I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
