first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
