My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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