And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
