lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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