she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I would ride that face into the sunset
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
