can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
