im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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