Having a random hookup so left but love u
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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