I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
