I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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