I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
