We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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