just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
