Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
