Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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