She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize