So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
