Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
