Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
