I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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