She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize