It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
