i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
