weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Moan for me like Helen Keller
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
