Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Help. Why am I so naked?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
