She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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