you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
