Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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