Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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