so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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