If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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