Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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