Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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