Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
