It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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