Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
