I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
