kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
