No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
