Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize