hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
