I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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