there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize