holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
