Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
