There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
