a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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