it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
