my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize