i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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