Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize