What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
COCAINE IS GR8
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
