One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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