Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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