I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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