Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
