Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
