u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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