Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Mom said you looked used
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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