the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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