that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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