I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
