FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
