I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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