you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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